Note: I have been so damn busy over the last 2 weeks that I just have neglected this site.

Somewhere, 3 years ago or about then, I stopped living, and now I'm wondering as to what exactly has happened over the last three years.  I barely remember them, except as some distant recognition of a monotonous and distasteful process.  Much of undergraduate university has seemed this way: a waste.  I feel little more intelligent than i was out of highschool.  In fact, I believe I taught myself more in highschool.  so many years wasted.

So my new years resolution?  If I fit so terribly in these structures of academia, social endeavors, and expectations, then I don't need them, nor do i need to bow to them.  People have accused me of being unable to compromise, but the more i compromise, the more *I* diminish and fade away.  So, I'll just stop compromising those things which make me so good at anything i love.  Stop compromising. Stop holding back.  Stop letting people need me to need them.  Let myself want everything, even in the face of other's disgust - or wishes to tie me down.  I have been submitting too long to the demand that equality is a somehow a right.  No one is equal (In that we are equal? exceptions, exceptions).  

I want to remember the years ahead, rather than feel like some pitiful ghost who has left fingerprints over a number of people's lives, without ever picking them up and shaking them to play, and love, and enjoy, and despair.

I have despised the last three years, but now I am done.  The move to detroit hasn't fully torn me out of my compromising behavior.  Now to fully be once again the defiant brat I used to be. 

I wish all of you luck, success and most of all, growth in the next year/decade (for, selfishly, I know your growth will greatly contribute to my own :P).  I wish you dreams like mine - even the nightmares - so that you can say you have traveled worlds beyond most people's imagination.  And most of all, I wish you satisfaction in the year to come.

For, how can you honestly enjoy others, if you are so mean in spirit that you cannot enjoy your *self* (yes, muffins, what ever that self is).